"AggiEEEEEE! Don't take my car from meEEEEEE!"
"MommEEEEE!!!! Seth hurt meEEEEEEEEEE!"
My children know how to hit that perfect pitch, the one that makes the little hairs on my neck stand up and my eyelid twitch. Their little crises are so urgent! Their hunger pains are so intense! Their needs are so dramatic! They sound like squawking chickens, and it makes me a little crazy.
How crazy? I grit my teeth when they come running to me, and I think my left eye is starting to twitch. I have tried to reason with them. I have attempted bribery. I have tried various forms of incentive-based behavior modification. I am done with those tactics. I am crazy enough to try a completely new strategy.
"Kids, if you are going to talk to me like squawking chickens, I am only going to reply like a chicken." They laugh and roll their eyes, not taking me seriously.
Then, five minutes later...
"MommEEE! I was tryEEEEng to make my bed but AggiEEEE-"
"SQUAWK!!!! SQUAWK SQUAWK!" says Mommy.
He giggles, takes a deep breath, then continues in a normal voice, "Mommy, I was trying to make my bed but Aggie wants the pillow on the top but I rEEAALY want it- (slipping into whining again)
"SQUUUUAAAAAAWWK!!!" say I.
It took about five tries, but he finally got the whole story out without a single whine. I then stopped acting like a chicken myself and helped him solve the problem rationally.
Before long, it was Aggie screeching, "MommEEEEE!"
"SQUUUAAAWK!" I replied.
She suppressed her smile and tried hard to reign in the whining, but could only get to word number three before she was assaulted by mommy squawks once again.
She put her hands on her hips. "Mommy," she said seriously, "I am trying to tell you something."
"All right, then use a nice voice to tell me."
"Mommy. I was going down the slide with my car but Seth is trying to go up and I REEEEALY don't-"
SQQQQQQUUUUAAAWWWKKK!! SQUAWK! SQUAWK!
(deep breath) "and I really don't want him to do that but he woooooooon't-"
SQUAWK!
Exasperated, she walked away from me.
Calmly, she said to her brother, "Seth, could you please stop going up the slide so I can go down?"
"Ok Aggie," he smiled.
I chuckled (or maybe I clucked) as they ran off together.
I wonder if I will have the courage to keep this up in public.
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